The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
