this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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