Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
tell me about the fingering
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize