i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
