I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
