I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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