"it" just moved
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
