Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
