Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize