Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
