Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
