He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
