i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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