I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
