Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
