i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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