Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize