i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
