He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
