found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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