hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
