just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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