proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
