Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
