i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
