When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize