I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize