So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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