I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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