i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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