I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
