his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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