what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
