he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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