I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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