Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
