the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
