you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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