based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
