broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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