did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
