I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
