Nicole vs. Life
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
