Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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