I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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