I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
