Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
