3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
