I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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