I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
