Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
