And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize