Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
