Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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