I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bring me that man meat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
