Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
