Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
