I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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