But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
