I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
