just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
