someone owes me an orgasm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
