I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
