How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
