Your face is a jimmy john
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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