I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
