Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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